Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Cardiff with Mr. Chris Corcoran.

You are grouchy this morning, aren't you? / No, not / you are tired and grouchy / not grouchy in a nasty way / bit tired / 6:30 A.M. / 20 / Work Experience series, which __ coming up soon / hopefully you __ like it / if you don't like it / bear in mind / think / can you put that in the titles? / brackets / title / as well. Work Experience / do you know / work harder / very hard / work experience / normally / work experience / What an irony. / Yeah, what an irony / What an irony / my work experience is killing me. / hardest work I've ever done / hard / to prove / your job / harder / edit s__t all day, every day, 12 hours a day, 15 hours a day, and, uh, two days ago, 20 hours __ put in. Non-stop. Today, I'm feeling g__y / uh ... sick, / yeah / nauseous / I've got a headache / start / not nasty / not in a nasty mood / at least / relaxing / rest of the day / 20 thousand people / happy days. / How are you feeling about it? / Uh ... sick, / Yeah? / ... ill ... / yeah / ... grouchy ... / Any joy? / No. / we've got nothing / papers / we've got __ local papers / production team / printed me, uh, / off some ... some / amusing little stories from the internet / of course / we have / exciting and worthwhile correspondence / Eurovision / your correspondence. / We can talk about Eurovision as well. But right now I'm out of steam, so I'm gonna play a track. / Huh, that sounds like a set up.

Now then, your emails are flooding in, ladies and gentlemen. / See? Everyone is helping you out. / Hi, Rhod, just / this week / beach in Santorini" ... Huh. ... Where is that? Japan? / __ __ / just __ __ this week / production team / today / said "Greece" in my ear. Is that right? ... Greece? ... __ __ __ not so sure now / look / great / the production team, they / and I looked / all / looked at each other, __, realized they didn't know. Maybe it's Italy, Santorini. I would guess Italy. / sitting / beach / very lovely so far. We've only been here for a day / anything could happen yet." ... That's the spirit / holiday / presume / dog / this email is just getting better and better, isn't it? Eh? Fascinating. Where is this story going? I wonder. / a dog has come along / it could be anywhere / shouldn't be on __ beach / between / September / Dogs shouldn't be on a beach ever. / Oh, no. I don't agree with that. / Why? / Oh, no. / a lot of time__ / the joy the dogs __ on a beach / winter months / love it / they love it / all about the humans / ビーチは人間のものだ / fine. Dogs on beaches are fine. / fine / Dog's out. / fine. / dogs on beaches are fine? / Yeah. ... Not May to September, but / joy / my / joy to its owner / I / I / even got a dog / enjoy themselves? / yeah / do you? / Yeah. I mean, you need ... we need to remember the context to this / Oh, yeah, absolutely / you can't just / people / enjoy / after __ tennis ball / __ing and splashing in the sea / that kind of stuff. / Imagine / all / getting / water / splash their water everywhere while you're eating your icecream. / Yeah. Not May to September. I told you / can / I don't wanna / in a car / I bought it on the beach / 車の中で食えばいいだろ。 / 車の中でなんか食いたかないよ。せっかくビーチで買ったのに。 / おまえはどうせ犬を飼ってないだろ。 / you haven't / anyway / that's my point / そこだよ。人の犬のことを言ってるんだ。こっちがアイスクリームを食べているときに人の犬に水をひっかけられてはたまらない。 / email / problem here / well, you / feature / if you want to lob / out there / Radio Wales phone-in / allowed / at all / At all. / All right. ... __ __ __ __ __ __ in the second half. All right? / Yeah. / Hi, Rhod, just sitting here / on a beach in Santorini / I really hope / this email / going somewhere / all / dog / come along / story goes, that is not great so far / if you get back from your holiday / back / beach / dog came along / 唯一の土産話が「ビーチに犬がいた」 / huh / just / talking about dogs / issues about dogs / on beaches / I'm fine with them. ... "... very lovely so far / although / yet. ... Anyway, a dog just came along ... / here we go / OK / got us wondering / Greek dogs could communicate / easily with my dog if he was here / I've wondered about these things / really good point / languages / all dogs've got __ front end __ __ back end, and that is the main instrument of communication __ dog__ / tip and / and the tail. / and the tail. Yeah. / uh ... and smell / stuff / could they communicate / Greek dogs / I think they can / well, I think so / surely dogs have different nationalities / different communicative languages in the same way that humans have ... or have they? / __, quite. / I don't think / talk / I think ... I think dogs / very much not what you / dog / say / not / what you say / the way you say it. / Why? / Well, because I don't think dogs actually understand the words. ... Eh, I could be wrong here. Hey, pet ... petter, RSPCA, get off my snout. / know / I'm no expert. I admit / dogs / I haven't got dogs / I like dogs, I like / and everything, but I don't / if you said / bad dog. Who's the bad dog? / I hate you / Who's the stupid / I hate you / wag his tail / love / exactly / if you say, "Good dog, good dog, come here, good dog. / Get up on the sofa / Yeah, exactly / Yeah / they'd know / they wouldn't know. That's the point. / Huh? / they know from the tone / that's the way / yeah. Uh ... surely dogs / different / communicative language / I don't know. "This ... this dog here in Santorini / back / this dog in Santorini ..." ... I'll tell you what. ... Honestly, you two, you need to get back to your holiday, J__ and __. You need to stop / You're on holiday. You're on a beach, presumably __ __ __ in S__, and you're contacting Radio Wales about the fact that a dog has come along, ... and this is where / really interesting / he made a kind of "ruff" noise. / Huh. Uh, that is disappointing. / "... which / from my own dog" says J__ and __ / own conclusion / 自分で解決しちゃってるよ / part of me thinks you don't need our help. / How many people do you think would sit on a beach on their holiday / dog comes along / go / contact BBC Wales / better ring home / kind of ruff noise / own dog / I'll tell you what. You're an observant owner, aren't you? / all this down / uh ... "but maybe the Greek dog is saying, "Huh, look. It's three o'clock. I think I / have a swim in the sea. / If this story leads on to the dog having / she's on to something here / whereas my dog may have been saying, "I wonder where my green hat is / who's hat? / dog's hat? / dog's hat, presumably / Huh. They're ... they're __s. Stop. Stop reading. / two conclusions I'm drawing __ this / one is that / really need a holiday / obviously / and the other one is, get back to your holiday. "If you could shed any light on this / both be very grateful / near / respectively." ... Way too much information in this email. In fact, there's too much email in this email. Never contact the show again.

This is BBC Radio Wales. And, uh ... Eurovision ... tonight, of course. This is Rhod Gilbert, by the way, uh, with / Chris Corcoran / in Cardiff ... uh ... BBC Radio Wales / here's __ text / Eurovision / hit / the microphone / I've got a headache. I've got, uh, / just / joined the show, I'm not feeling very well. I've been in __ editing suit__ / 400 hours / last week, and I've got a ... I've got a headache / eye strain / all sorts of trouble. ... Still / __ __ __ __ / who am I to complain? I'm not one to gri__le and mourn / No. / says Thom ... Thom P__t / "Sorry to hear about your headache / Thanks, Thom, man. / ... couldn't help but notice / you / struggling / to talk about / no / after / years of struggling / talk about / any different. Um ... / "What / thought / Bonnie Tyler representing Britain in Eurovision?" ... Korkey, over to you / probably / got / strong opinion / I think it's good / h__ first, ladies and gentlemen / Why not? / Eh, Thom, how about that for, uh, some / controversy / Korkey / I quote this, "Good." / mouth / , Korkey / fairly accurate, uh, depiction / I think she / more of you / Yeah. / now ... now you / Go on. / Thom P__ / ... What happened to him? / He was last but one / Something like that. / Fair play. / Yeah. / I don't remember / first / great / first / don't / Eurovision / I think / oh, is it? / come out / I mean, the / made / first / yeah, yeah, I know what you mean / you know / so, that's / what / when do we find / I don't know. ... __ don't know / I don't know. Hopefully not p__. Hopefully in the middle. / just / small poll / production team / some of the facts / not / bad / if that was a standup gig ... / Oh, that's all right / that's in the ... in the middle, which is generally a little bit easier. The people __ __ / they've warmed up / difficult, early cloud / a bit tired / not a bad position, B__ / no excuse / you can do it / you can do it / Go, Bonnie. / Very nice, Bonnie / character / Yeah. / She could do it. / She could do it. / song / uh ... / it's very Eurovision / I think she could do it. / she's got / fireworks. / Can you imagine, though, she / in with / or whatever it's called / Booom. Job done. / why can't / Total Eclipse / stuff like that / definitely / winner. 100%. / why / this one ... I'm not so sure / Bonnie, if you are listening, find out if you can / change it / Yeah. Or, even / go / the other one / Yeah. ... 'Cause / remind everybody anyway / allowed / in the middle of it / What for? / I don't know. / Don't over-__ it, mate / that's the problem with Eurovision. / Yeah. ... Is it? / yeah / Who h__ it these days? Is it still T__ __? / who does it now? / Huh, does he? / Hmm. / quite a while / massive, uh, eurovision ... thingy, you know. / I watched for, uh, for the first time for many years last year. / Yeah? / enjoyed it / did you? / good laugh / did you / party / T-shirts / you had / heavily sugerly snacks / No. / No? / I was on my own / You were on your own? / watching / on my own / You ... last year, on a Saturday night __ __ Eurovision / watching __ __ __ __ __? / Yeah / Mate, we haven't even talked about this. / No. I know. / if you like / on-air or off-air / better / off-air, mate / on your own / nice / happy memory 'cause I enjoyed it / you really enjoyed it? / good fun. / Everyone else was out partying with their friends / yeah / family / b__, probably / I don't know, mate / you / on your own / watching Eurovision / as well / broke / I have / playing touch rugby on Wednesday / good week / you should __ your life back.

Hi Rhod and Korkey / from Rachel __ __ __ in Cardiff. ... Next one. ... "Morning, Rhod, ... a quick tip for you" Oh my god. Today / I'll tell you what / really going out / today / really having / this is what you get. / What have you got? / the last one __ bad / this is worse. / Huh huh. / quick tip for you / how do you stop your dog / digging up your garden / OK. / ... "Morning, Rhod. Quick tip for you / garden / take his shovel off him. / Huh. / normally on a punchline / hit / what / leaving it out for a bit / gone / and then I'll press PLAY, right? / OK. / ... There you go.

Eurovision. ... "Was __ __'s Eurovision song the longest-ever joke / Knock knock. / Who's there? / still / end of / no wonder / only came second." / I don't know / the song / but, um ... __ ... I've, uh ... oh, hang on / production / my ear / apparently / knock knock / which could have been / really / just / woman singing the words / knock knock, ... who's there? / is that how it went? / calling / calling / who / Eurovision song / the longest-ever joke / that is / certainly / knock knock / calling / -calling who? / I don't think that qualifies / joke / qualifies / spotted, though / well spotted, H__ D__ from Carmarthen / out a ... a mug / nothing on it / literally a blank one. ... I mean / scratch that prize / BBC / people / personally meet you / give people mugs / what / do / BBC / Illegal. / somewhere / meet / well done / boys / why not give B__'s entry / Eurovision Song Contest tonight / this person is talking about / boys / B__'s entry / Believe In Me / top tune. Fair play / Huh huh. / I suppose ... I suppose we probably should / would've been / kind of ... the thing / BBC Radio Wales / Bonnie Tyler / BBC / production team / just / ear again / later / show / I don't know. ... We / if we want, apparently / probably / bear in mind / there's no / prefer / can we play Total Eclipse of the Heart, please / Hero / Can we get that one, please? / blast / blast that one / two types of people / refers / back / the fact that / show / rather flippant generalization / people like me, with friends / on their own / watch the Eurovision Song Contest last year / Rhod, if / two / friends / where / put me / heading / Eurovision party with friends to watch the show / take bets / that puts you / in the category / people with friends / pretty ... pretty obvious, that / fun night / using Eurovision as a tool, as a resource ... to enhance / I'm sure / something else on television / old days, for example / one of those, uh, rubbish news shows / you could tap into that with your friends / non-Eurovision issue / uh ... email / if you / on your own / having a party for something else / Uh ... "Hi Rhod / tell Korkey to get a dog / good callback / get a dog, __y / I don't want / one / I hope Sony judges are listening / Sony Awards are big radio awards, ladies and gentlemen / I imagine / use / show / get a dog / doesn't want one / back to / theatre / of applause / judges / innovative and creative show that __ pull__ something from nothing / week after week / despite terrible correspondence from listeners." ... / Hi Rhod / I've tried. ... I've tried / easy / immutable / passionate about it. ... "Hi Rhod, tell __ to get a dog / he wouldn't be / this / a good point / B__ / Yeah? Don't call me B__ / says B__ from N__ / alone / Eurovison night / heading / I don't want a dog. / ... "Also ..." says B__ / asking me how / mouse out of __ bath / what I would do is, get a glass and a piece of paper / slide / spider / same principle / exactly the same principle / any animal in your bath / qualify that / under / glass / same principle / you shouldn't do / try / spider / this / licensed to do it / saying / some people might / inclined / flush / Don't do that with a mouse.

my / best friend / from __ __ forward" ... I'm already lost. ... Totally lost, I am. / flight back from / forward / Yeah. / or is it "my best friend / forward / is / forward / ... Well / my best friend / should / home in time to watch Eurovision tonight." Oh, my god. ... Can you imagine that? You __ been / G__ / year / exploring the world / senses / bombarded / "Hey, if I / back / I can leave this ... this ... I don't know / whatever / turtle sanctuary in B__ / Eurovision / with my mother instead. Which of us is more tragic?" Uh ... depends on how / mom / depends / mom / you were going to see / can't / answer this yet / probably / see, I would argue that your friend is probably more tragic for coming back / foreign __ to watch Eurovision / every year. You can tape it. / tape it / know / in 80's, ladies and gentlemen / get back / normal / I'm unbelievably old. I'm unbelie ... you can / 1980's / mate / I'm VHS / all over / watch / meant to say / pause / on your telly box / let's go back to taping. I'm sick / digital stuff / get / off / nonesense / conversation / you don't own anything / cloud in the sky / box / you haven't got / something on it / just / hard drive / somewhere / all kept / sky / I don't want / anymore / normal stuff / I want normal stuff / let's / I want stuff back. Sky, Apple / give me my stuff back / invisible places / back / I bought / kept in / cloud by Apple. ... Unbelievable. I can download / when I want to use it, apparently / obviously / podcast / says / day off work, I can / finally / stay awake / for the next hour / Good luck. / cheaky / reasonable, I think / issue / no / a few times and I've nodded off myself. / 自分で聴いても眠くなったもの。

Yes, indeed, this is BBC / radio / Mr. Chris Corcoran / in Cardiff / saw / local / exactly / Posty / Bonnie / chocolates / doesn't work / it doesn't work / if / you / make stuff up / jokes / work / my local shop, looking at chocolates / OK. ... So, / could / actual / read / to me / genuinely / because Bonnie T__, she's Welsh / easily / right / easily / Swansea / this could easily be / easily be true / everything about / totally believable / up to this point. ... He says, "I / Bonnie / looking / buy / that specific / stage / p__a of choice there / unless she had one of each / in your hand__ / point / believe / holding / stuff / Total Eclipse of the Heart / surely, if you / that kind of magnitude / buy both / unusual / top star like __ __ in a shop, going, " / eight-year-old girl / pocket / money / which one can I afford / yeah, but just because / global superstar / yeah / one in each hand, weighing the / up / doesn't make / Rhod / I'm not / buy / Variety Pack / all sorts, mate. That's not the point of / one / my point / came / story, I / you smelt / I did. / Yeah. / I once saw / looking / what / holding out for an Aero / Huh / now / done / Posty Kev / probem is / holding out for an Aero / in a local shop / like, as if ... / if / were / A / first / B, they would have / almost certainly / aero / shop / first place / holding out / unless / delivery imminent / you just / holding out for one, would you? / idea of / Aero delivery / sort of understanding / so, Posty Kev, basically, that / a disaster, your email there, and, uh, / ruined / work / mountain / as / contacting / BBC / while you __ supposed / do your job / well done there, mate / real / result / involved / 45

"My mate bought a car off B__ T__ ..." / now / see / again / start / hang on a minute / sucked / pathetic joke / Sounds like a good story. / It's M__ from P__ A__ / far / Bonnie T__ / Swansea / mate / Bonnie / a joke / it doesn't feel / feel / nice / conversational / perfectly good so far. / At this point, we don't know / coming / straight / racing ahead / holding / Total Eclipse / surprise. That's the level of / radio / said / Total Eclipse of the "Cart" / can you imagine / my mate bought a car off Bonnie T__. It was a good runner / definitely / definitely / "My mate / conversational starter / but / joke coming up / eh / I smell / joke / good runner, but every now and then, it fell apart / there it is / genuinely / look at them / rolling / howling / every now and then it fell apart / there it is / Total-Eclipse-of-the-Heart-based joke. And it was very / good / very / funny / Britain's Got Talent with that joke / take / take / obviously

now / Bonnie / seem to have inadvertently prompted / without / unsolicited joke fest / Bonnie / coming / couple / jokes / little / may / stumble into / somewhere / whatever / saying. ... "I saw Bonnie T__ at __ B__ / in / Cardiff / last month / Entirely possible / genuine story / joke / story / because / very specific. / Yeah? / ... And / would / more of a generic / Bonnie T__ / at a restaurant / ok / Cardiff / it was a lovely sunny day / still in / still in / by the window / Yeah? ... Story. / already / hang on a minute / sunny day / thinking / you're thinking / hero / yeah / Total Eclipse / sunny day / a joke / OK. / I agree / sunny day / I was sitting by the window / whilst / my d__ / very specific / I've got it / we'll see what happens / whilst / I felt a shadow over me / here we go / Bonnie / front / still / details on this / exactly where you're going, __ / Total Ecliplse of My "Tart" / boom / I saw / local sports shop / did / just / "too general" rule / 情景描写が曖昧すぎるものは実話ではなくジョークだ / joke, straight away. / OK. / I ... / Realy? / Yeah. / I think so / basis / huge / likelyhood / I don't imagine / anything / suit / OK / Bonnie / I'm still / a joke / OK / much clearer idea / next sentence / local / she was bringing / packet of darts / previously purchased / ... Oh, Simon ... what ... haven't you got anything better / shops are open / sun / beach / blue / swim / dog / at home, rattling your brain, trying to ... / bringing / packet / purchased / while she was / local darts league / shop / what / there, love / slightly sexist / "... is a total __ of a dart / nearly gave it / I once bought a second-hand satnav from Bonnie T__" / really / did / who buys a second-hand satnavs? / download / quid / ... Exactly. / selling / back in the game / maybe / only / minute / I / benefit of __ doubt / generous / or / telling me to turn around / Thom P__ / some / though / rabbits or something / don't bother / another effort / uh / end / ladies and gentlemen / to be honest honest / by / despite / no content / Go B__ / right / difficult / cost anything, that

If you / rhod / morning / BBC Radio Wales, 11 til 1.

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